I can only stand strong and be mindful of and for others for so long… I’m human. I can break and I can need and take time to myself for myself without feeling guilty…Right? This is what I keep drowning out in my head as I try to pretend to by everything everyone I’ve ever encountered in life bestowed on me to be… this all is a weight an unmeasurable amount of weight that I can not escape or be rid of permanently like I want to be. Torn between should I stay and see what will change with him or move on with him since he says he loves me but shows me I’m just a tool. Am I being a good mom to them, am I evil like my momma was and lashing out for the wrong things or am I right for disciplining them…. I pray for a sign that stepping away and for me will be what I need. The fresh start to starting over and finding me and loving me and not having a constant void needing to be filled🤦🏾‍♀️ I wish I could just 📦 this shit all up and throw it in the ocean and never be bothered with any of it again


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